The Greatest Fictional Sports Team Of All-Time: Number 3

We’ve moved on to number 3 on the GFSTOAT list. My personal biases would have flipped 3 and 4 on the list, but we stick to a scientific method here at View From The Pine. What’s that method you ask? Teams are graded on a scale of 1 to 5 for key players, depth, coaching, results, and legacy. Oh and it’s all made up by me.

First, let’s recap:

5. The Washington Sentinels – The Replacements
4. The Sandlot Crew – The Sandlot

With that racket out of the way let’s get on to number 3 on the GFSTOAT list.

The Mighty Ducks – The Mighty Ducks

Key Players

The Ducks are a veritable who’s who of 12 year old hockey stars. They’ve got everything. Adam Banks, Julie “The Cat” Gaffney¹, Adam Goldberg, and Charlie Conway who can apparently morph into an adult and jump 6 feet on rollerblades.

Grade: 4

Depth

They were deep enough to find new players for a couple sequels. Including Keenan. So decent I guess.

Grade: 2

Coaching

Coach Gordon Bombay is your classic past star athlete turned court appointed youth league hockey coach after getting busted for drunk driving, well, really drinking while driving. Yet somehow he turns this rag tag group of Disney kids into a Junior Olympic hockey team over the course of a couple movies. He also got more use out of Keenan than the SNL writers over the last 12 years².

Grade: 3³

Results

They won the Pee Wee Championship in a shoot out and took down Team Iceland in the Goodwill Games. Which is pretty good considering their coach is a court appointed drunk, related to Charlie Sheen, and follows our very own David on Twitter. Although they had to rely on an obviously illegal trick play to get into a tie with Iceland.

Grade: 5

Legacy

The teams’ success with the Flying V formation in the first two films led to opponents finding ways to defend against it in further sequels. Disney also bought an actual hockey team in Anaheim and named them the Mighty Ducks. But fuck the Ducks. Go Blues!

Grade: 3

Bonus Nugget

The Ducks got their nickname from their chief sponsor, Gerald Ducksworth, Coach Bombay’s boss. Who later fired him. Probably for being a drunk asshole.

Total: 17

1. Who isn’t good enough to play in the game, but is the choice to come in cold off the bench for the final shootout attempt up 4-3.
2. I know right?!
3. Docked points for drinking while driving.