This weekend, I laid motionless on my couch, phone propped on my gut, watching my fantasy team get beaten again (0-3 baby!) and thought about which team I should watch. I landed on the NY Giants since their game with the Redskins happened to be on Redzone the most and the remote was just out of reach. So let’s do this.
Since the Rams left town, I’ve decided to rethink my life and finally pick a new team. After over a decade of being subjected to the worst football imaginable, I’ve got a fresh start! I’m going to lock my Greatest Show on Turf memories in a little keepsake box and jettison all the other years into a black hole.
So each week, I’m going to pick a team, follow their game and analyze key points like their star players, ownership, bandwagon effect, etc. This will hopefully answer the question “Do I see myself as a drunk dude in their stadium?” Obviously, a very scientific process.
So, here we are at week 1. Who better to start off with than the Rams? They’re the team that got us here in the first place and I’ve subjected myself to their 7-9 bullshit for this long, what’s one more game? Also, this way I’ll do the analyzing for you. As Big Tom Callahan said, “I can get a hell of a good look at a T-Bone steak by sticking my head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take the butcher’s word for it.” So come along as we delve into a land of pure mediocrity!Continue reading “Free Agent Fan: Week 1”→
Over under on how many unwitting grandparents took kids to see this over the weekend?
Sausage Party wastes no time in letting you know exactly what it is. The latest Seth Rogen/Evan Goldberg creation answers the question “What would it be like if a Pixar movie made dick jokes?”, and thankfully we have the answer.
This movie quickly lets you know what it is all about via a catchy Disney-esque song that gets you ramped up for everything that’ll be satirized over the next 90ish minutes. This movie satirizes almost everything you can think of. Anthropomorphic food sex, anthropomorphic food religion, anthropomorphic food race, and so on. It does all of this without seeming mean spirited the whole way through. Something increasingly difficult in a time when everyone is constantly offended by something. That is not to say that it doesn’t make the easy joke, because it is definitely not afraid to do that.
This time on Better Know a Cardinal, we discuss Birds outfielder, Randal Grichuk. Join us as we take a look at the man behind the soul patch.
Working Nickname: RRAAAAANNNNDDDYYYY Twitter: @RGrich15
Grichuk came to the Birds last year with Bourjos as a part of the Freese/Salas trade with the Angels. Randal was the Angel’s first round pick in 2009. After spending most of 2014 the season up and down between AAA Memphis, Grichuk became a big part of the 2014 NLCS run and played in some valuable games down the stretch.
Next up on Better Know a Cardinals we’re helping you better know Kolten Wong. The 5’9” Hawaiian made a name for himself in the postseason showing off some little man power with all 7 of his postseason hits being for extra base hits. Kolten looks to be dropping Wong balls as the everyday second baseman in 2015. Continue reading “Better Know a Cardinal – Kolten Wong”→
This weekend the Birds face off against a bunch of dudes who apparently play for the Mariners now. They come to town riding a 4 game losing streak and even though the bats were cool last night, the Cards are 5-1 so far on the homestand. So this is a huge opportunity for the to stay hot and get some separation in the Central.
So who are these guys anyway? Kendrys Morales is probably the biggest threat in their lineup, he leads the team with a .280 avg. and has 21 homers. He comes in hot, hitting .300 with 4 bombs in the past 6 games. Also, third baseman Kyle Seager is having a decent season, hitting .274 with 22 homers and 66 RBI. But don’t forget about 41 year old vet/soul patch wearer Raul Ibanez, he’s still capable of putting one into the seats. Raul’s stats are a microcosm of the team. They are hitting .240, which is good enough for last in the AL, but are 3rd in the bigs in terms of homers.
Let’s take a look at the pitching matchups.
Game 1: Wainwright 16-9, 3.03 ERA vs. Iwakuma 12-6, 2.97 ERA
Waino will face Hisashi Iwakuma who has been a bright spot in an otherwise shit sandwich rotation. Other than King Felix of course, who the Cards will miss. Iwakuma has pitched very well this season, so Wainwright will need to continue to build off his previous solid outing.
Game 2: Wacha 3-0, 2.72 ERA vs. Paxton 1-0, 1.50 ERA
Rookie vs. Rookie. Paxton is making his second ML start and the Birds better bring their bats because not only is he a rookie, he’s *gasp* a lefty! Can we just rough up a rookie starter? I don’t care if he’s a lefty or not.
Game 3: Miller 13-9, 3.05 ERA vs. Ramierez 5-1, 4.87 ERA
I have no idea who Erasmo Ramirez is either. Let’s just get rack up some W’s.
Now let’s take a trip in the way back machine to remember the Mariners in their prime.
Buckle up because we’re about to take a one-way trip to Scandal Town!
News out of Philadelphia today that everyone’s favorite Cuban defector, Aroldis Chapman, may have pulled a Babe Ruth and downed 18 pastries before serving up two of his own to the Phillies in the form of back-to-back homers, resulting in his second blown save of the season and a 2-3 loss for the Reds.
Phillies broadcaster/pastry connoisseur, Rickie Ricardo has the sticky details (get it, because pastries). Ricardo blew the lid off the PastryGate when he is said to have personally delivered 100 Cuban pastries to Chapman before Sunday’s game and then witnessing Chapman polish off 18 of them. Ricardo recalls the events in his own words.
“He couldn’t breathe!” said Ricardo. “I looked at my partner, I said, ‘He’s ripe for the taking today.'”
Scandal! Intrigue! Pastries!
We will keep you posted as this story continues to develop.
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